Pain is part of me

Its been awhile. Remember i said my life is always fighting for something ? Well, things only gets more hard for me. I just broke up recently, it was tough. She went back to study at oversea, leaving me here. It was very hard for me, same thing for her. It was ok at first, but distance relationship is tough, things didn't go well for us and broke up.

If we had broken up because that we don't love anymore, i wont feel bad and would willingly give up. But sadly, we broke up even though we still love each other alot.

We had a fight , because i found evidence she lied to me on something small, i questioned her and came to the conclusion i don't trust her on that issue, she feels very down and things just went bad. As a result, she got too close to a guy, her friend, seeking for comfort. Things get worst, i made a mistake later, she cant stand it and we broke up. In short , we are taking turns in hurting each other until she cant stand it anymore. As a result, she feels very empty after the whole thing, and now, being with some1 which she don't love, seeking for comfort. As for me, i tried to feel better by going out with some girls . I dunno how she feel now, but when i meet up with girls , i would feel very bad. The date always end up in me telling them about my sadness. I even cried once in front of a girl, which i met for the first time. Feels so pathetic.

She has a partner now, but still love me and only me, that's what she said. I really hope its true though. Could she be teling me about this cause she wants me to feel better ? There're are many possibilities. I used to think of all of them and have myself ready for anyone of them to happen. I got worn out, tired , my exam is coming, and my heart is so sad. There are s many things i dont understand. The reason we broke is so that we wont hurt each other anymore. She had had enough of distance relationship. So we broke up. She seeks company from another guy , while I'm here, not able to do anything but to face my sadness and be strong. I feel so not right. If we love each other, why not give ourselves another chance ? How can she be with someone else there, with no love , just seeking company ? Or maybe what i think is wrong ?

I'm so sick of thinking all the possibility. Now , i have to be strong and face my life , things are very tough for me now. I can do well in things, but with a sad and unfocused mind ? I'm not sure I'll be ok. It will take along time for things to sort out. I'm left with sadness now, which i somehow have to find a way to face it. Life just gets tougher for me. I'm getting tired, very tired. I wish i can retire from this struggle, but I'm just not done with it yet. at least not until i finish my studies. May these remaining two years go through fast, ease myself from pain. Let everything be answered , which i have been dieing to know the answer. Only time will tell, slow and painful. This will be my ultimate challenge in life, if i can be strong and go through this, everything onwards should be great.