holiday, there is no difference

Holiday is here for me. Some how i always have no feeling on holiday. To me , life goes on, holiday or no holiday.

Last time, i would think holiday makes no difference. Holiday usually come after exam, and people are happy cause they can finally relax after studying non stop for awhile. Last time there is no difference for me cause I'm not the type that study last minute. I still go out, have fun around the day before exam. But now, I got some problem on relationship. Other things seems not so important anymore, I'm still a sad soul. So, exam or no exam , it doesn't make me feel any better. And I'm not as good as i used to be on study, my focus is more on my relationship now.

Anyway, things won't be too happy for next 2 years for me. I'll have to learn to live with it, while my partner and I both learn and grow more mature separately. My first plan was we be together while we learn and grow up, loving each other all the time. But things happened, hard to be together with distance.

Things just get harder in life. The moment u get successful at something, the moment something harder happens. U just have to be strong to face them all. Right now, my exam is over. I need to get my study back and understand all those things that i should know before continue my next semester away from home. I also need to fix myself at the gym, to get a good instructor status at the gym and burn off my fats. Its not gonna be easy, but I'll make it.

In the end, i only realise, whatever i do, she is always in my mind. It took out a lot of my concentration on other things, that's why i deteriorate on other things. So that's why, i need to be extra strong to be good at my life as well while loving her. After so many years, i finally understand. Its not easy to love someone. Unless you don't really love that person, it won't be easy. But still I love her so much.

I must stand up and make my life right again.
Love her is something i will always do,
I'll stand up with her in my mind,
I'll be stronger than I ever been.

I love you Chris.